not sure anyone even reads my post's so...

My friend Katie just posted about postpartum issues and I just wanted to second her experience! I too had the baby blues! People don't talk about this stuff and it really should be mentioned. After Willa was born I think I was just on this high for a few days b/c things were just perfect! About a week after we were home from the hospital I started to feel myself pulling away from my mommy roll... not physically (ie - diaper changes, feedings, holding her etc...) but emotionally. I felt withdrawn and like the worst mother in the world! I didn't understand why I didn't want to hold her every second of ever day? I had many tear sessions alone and with my husband (he was such a great encouragement!). I think the worst day was when I was getting off my pain meds, Kevin went back to work, and of course I still had these postpartum hormones. It felt like I was never going to feel happy again like I was just trapped in these feelings that I was having. I have slowly come out of these sad withdrawn emotions and started to feel much better. Occasionally I get anxiety when I nurse her but if that is all that happens I can handle it! I just wanted to share my story to help girls know that you will most likely go through a few days of these un-fun emotions but let it out, cry if you need to, talk to other mothers and you will soon feel better! If you don't please talk to your doctor!

On another note, Willa is perfect! She is my little princess! I thank God daily for giving us such a special gift.

Birthday Blog

It's my husbands birthday today and I am sitting here wishing I could give him the world right now b/c that is what he does for me every day. I know i'm one of the lucky ones. He is an AMAZING husband and now perfect father. He takes his roll in our marriage very seriously and always looks to God for his daily guidance!He works so hard to provide for us and never complains. He loves our daughter whole heartedly. The way he looks at her melts my heart. My husband deserves the world today... but all I have is many thank yous, much love, and a Happy Birthday!

I love you Kevin Rock! You Rock My World!

pics from the first two weeks!

Willa's Aunt Michelle gave her these cute boots...i'm betting she

will be able to wear them next winter too!

Willa's Fan Club

Willa had MANY visitors in the hospital! We tried to get pictures of her with everyone that came but there were some we missed. Here she is with all her adoring fans!

Papi (Kevin's Dad) with Willa

Mimi (my grandmother) I just love she could be here for this!

My Childhood best friend came from Oklahoma to see her! Anna did not come to the hospital but I felt it necessary to include her in this post!

Amy Jo (one of my closest friends and hairstylist... yes, I credit her for making me look good)

Emily (another very close friend... and the most talented dance director ever!)

Cathy (my mom's best friend but I call her my "other mother" b/c I have known her since I was a small child and she has always been like another mother figure to me)

Jay (my best friend Amber's dad... she just moved to Florida and couldn't make it, but her dad was so sweet to come and hold her in Amber's place)

My sweet sweet friend Bre (we danced together in the past and is one of my closest friends!)

My mom and Aunt (Dad's sister - she is AMAZING and has also taken some

cute pics of my lil Willa)

Lacey (Sweet friend who I love dearly... know her for years!)

Unlce Travis (my brother)

I am realizing there are no pics of Willa and my best friend Zip!! This is HORRIBLE! Not sure how that happened but Zip, we need to remedy this ASAP!

Thank you to everyone that has shared this special week with Kevin and I! We are so blessed to have such great friends and family.

December 6th 2010

This date will forever be stored away in my head as the best day of my life!

Kevin and I had spent all day Sunday together just enjoying eachother's company. We had the best time knowing that on Monday it would all change! Here we are after our last "date night" pre baby:

The next morning I was up at 6:45 taking my time fixing myself up for my first time to meet my little Willa! I spent extra time on my hair and makeup and even decided to go with pink eyeshadow in celebration of having a girl! We headed to the hospital by 8am and once we were there we were taken to our room where I was hooked up to all the machines and ready to go! Here we are waiting for the doctors to come take us away to deliver our baby:

Kevin in his scrubs:

Here I am all ready for them to cut me open! I was a little nervous as you can see:

Here she is getting cleaned off! The nurses were so good to her and Kevin stood by the whole time to make sure everything went ok:

Me and Willa right after she was born... I was in love!

We had birthday cake ready to eat! We all celebrated with a sparkling cider toast also.

Here she is all nice and clean after her bath:

Over all this day was AMAZING! We had many people visit us in the hospital and I will be posting pictures of all Willa's visitors tomorrow.

I just have to say... I am so happy! Willa is perfection! She has changed my life already and although I don't have much time to blog or facebook anymore, it is WAY better! What can I say? I love this whole mommy thing. I do also have to mention that Kevin is an AMAZING daddy. Willa is a week old tomorrow and I have only changed TWO diapers. I was healing from m c-section but now Kevin is just willing to do it. He says it "their thing". LOL! Who knew?

Baby Watch!

Yesterday I had my amniocentesis at Presby Allen. Kevin and I arrived to the labor and deliver and were escorted into our room where we waited for about an hour. Finally a nurse arrived (one whom I had not met yet after my long stay in the hospital a few weeks back). She was very short with me and at one point down right rude to the point that Kevin and I were a little nervous! I just continued to be myself and gave her no reason to be like that. Kill them with kindness usually always works! I later over heard her tell one of the other nurses (from outside the room) that was coming into meet with me "This is her room here...she's really sweet". I thought... hmmm she must be warming up to me! From that point on she was much nicer. I guess she just wasn't much of a morning person. Around 9:15 Dr. Sloan came in to do my amnio. There are some risks involved with this procedure. My water could break from the needle or I could start having contractions that could bring on labor. Needless to say the room got very quiet when she broke out the long needle! Kevin was standing by my head trying to distract me but when that needle started to go in my belly he stopped mid sentence and his eyes grew as big as the moon! Of course that really wasn't helping me. It did not hurt too bad. The only pain I felt was when it was going through my uterus muscle. Everyone in the room kept complimenting Dr. Sloan's work and saying how great she was doing. This was so encouraging! She managed to get everything she needed in one try. Apparently this is a great thing. I had to wait until 1pm for them to release me b/c they had to monitor me and Willa to be sure nothing went wrong.

Now we wait! They told us we should hear something by around 4pm. We went to eat and stopped by target (even though I am still supposed to be on bed rest) b/c I needed to get a few things. First off...I have not been to target in FOREVER! So you can imagine my excitement! Second... I knew I was not supposed to be "walking around" so I ended up driving one of the rascal carts around. HAHAHA! It was a sight for sure! Not going to lie, it was nothing short of amazing! I could go up and down all the isle without getting winded! Thank you Target for supporting those who can't walk through your giant store! We were able to pick up the little odds and ends we needed for baby and headed home!

Once we got home we started looking at movies and thinking of where we were going to go to dinner once we heard back from the doctors. We were getting so excited and nostalgic that this was to be our last night just the two of us! We went to rest for a bit in bed waiting for "the call" but 4pm came and went and no call : (. We both nodded of for a while and around 5:30 my phone rang!! Both of us jumped to find it under the covers... I answered and it was Dr. Sloan calling to let us know our results were in. She said "I have bad news" my heart sank. Baby Willa's lungs were just not ready. After hanging up the phone I was not sure how to handle this news. On one hand, Willa is top priority and we trust in Gods plan above anything else! On the other side, this means more bed rest, more discomfort, and worse more fear of going to bed and waking up in a dangerous situation! It took a bit but I was okay in the end.

This morning I wake up to a call from the sweet OB coordinator Carolyn. She explained that my doctors consulted with Dr. Peters (the perinatologist I have been seeing) and he said baby still needs to come out sooner than later. I am higher risk now after 36 weeks and Willa's life is less jeopardize in the NICU than inside my body. They put me on some oral steroids and I will OFFICIALLY be having her this Monday December 6th at 10am. I am in constant prayer now that Willa's lungs develop over this week and she will not need to be in the NICU at all! We are excited to meet our baby girl but just want everything on Gods timing!

Thank you all for the love and support through this crazy ride of a pregnancy we have had! God has blessed us abundantly with amazing friends and family! Without you all, Kevin and I would be having a much harder time with all of this. We love you!